Recently, some of my friends have been super moody and pessimistic about life. They always complain that they don't have boyfriends or no one ever asks them out. I try to comfort them but it's gotten annoying lately. I understand that everyone is different and has their own paths in life but there comes a point in which you have to take control and put yourself into the right situations.
Whenever my friends complain they aren't meeting any guys, I always ask what they are doing to meet them. They usually say they aren't doing anything. I'm never rude to them but I always want to say "well duh, of course your not going to meet anyone if you aren't doing anything about it!" It just bugs me that people except a wonderful guy to fall in their lap while they just sit on their ass. It's like everything else in life, you have to work on it. Just because you don't get hit on or asked out 50 times doesn't mean you can give up. And people need to stop blaming everything on looks. Yes physical attraction is important but what makes someone even more attractive is confidence. You can be the ugliest man on earth but if you are confident (not cocky) in yourself, someone will find you attractive.
Now I know that some people are not able to go to a gay bar or have any gay friends but turning to random online hookups is not going to lead to anything long-term (well besides herpes). Of course I have checked out the online sites but I knew before starting that it was just for fun. People always cry when they don't get responses from guys online. What they don't realize is that those guys are only basing their decisions on what their horny dick wants at that moment, not their personalities, intelligence or humor. They are freaking sex sites for crying out loud! If you want love, don't look there.
I know it's extremely hard to put yourself on the line and ask someone out on a date or tell him that you like him. If you get shot down, so be it, but one of those times, you're going to find exactly what you're looking for. Putting yourself out there helps you grow. For every misstep, learn from it and grow stronger. Love isn't just about sex or being with someone, it's about adventure and growth.
Crack the Shutters by Snow Patrol
Nick
P.S. Everybody has their own opinions on this topic and I'd love to hear what you have to say. Just one note: please don't be rude.
Chloe and Theo (2015)
8 years ago
I couldn't agree more! I have a good number of friends who complain about being single, but all they do when they go out is look for a hook-up. It's pure lust driving their actions, and they need to realize that there is a lot more to someone than their 6-pack or blue eyes haha. One of my own New Yrs resolutions is to put myself out there more, since I know how hard it can be for myself to do it - but I think it's a great plan
ReplyDeleteI agree. Sometimes it can be a matter of just getting yourself to open up a bit, start a conversation and see where things go. I can kind of relate, because I often wish I had talked to someone who looked interesting, maybe off a vibe. Maybe we need to push ourselves a bit more in 2011 - we could end up with a bit more experience and a few more friends.
ReplyDeleteAs a freshman, I'm still too young to get into a gay bar, so I was forced into finding other means of meeting like-minded guys. I've always like doing out-door things like hiking and rafting, canoeing and kayaking so I checked out "Gay Outdoors" and found several new friends two of whom are seniors at my college and who have been living together for three years. Through those two I met another guy who has become more than a-friend-with-benefits but not-quite-boyfriend. Through those three I made more and more gay friends.
ReplyDeleteBut this wasn't about just making gay friends, it's about finding a soul-mate, a boyfriend, a lover. I think gay men are way too preoccupied with looks and bodies. Naturally everyone wants to date and sleep with a BelAmi boy, but that's not gonna happen for most of us, is it?
Here's something I discovered after hooking up with a better-than-average looking guy. Once the sex is over, you need something to talk about. He had no common interest with me at all, and I felt like the whole night had been a waste of time. It wasn't like making love with someone, it was like masturbating into him.
I think the more you get out and broaden your circle of friends, the larger the sample of men from which a potential boyfriend may emerge.
Also, and please don't laugh at this, but if you're going to college in anything like a metropolitain area, look for "gay affirming" or "inclusive" churches. Lots of Episcopal churches are welcoming, and some really nice guys go to church.
Thanks guys for commenting. Yeah I feel everyone can improve in someways, not that people aren't already awesome, it's just that improvement pushes us to be better people.
ReplyDeletebanisterferras: I'm not really into religion, not the same as God, but I'll definitely look some churches up. I always like expanding my horizon